How to Stay Engaged, Informed, and Supportive When Setting Boundaries for Your Teen

If there’s one thing that teens are really good at, it’s pushing boundaries. In fact, you might have a few stories from your own childhood that drove your parents to the brink!

Simply put, teenagers are at a place in their lives when they are beginning to experiment with independence. That includes sometimes pushing or even breaking the boundaries set by their parents.

Although this is to be expected, it’s still not easy for parents to deal with when it happens. However, there are ways that you can strike a balance to stay engaged, informed, and supportive when setting boundaries for your teen.

Make Sure Expectations Are Clear

First, it’s important to make sure that your teen clearly understands the expectations you are setting. This eliminates surprises and gives your teen something to work with. They need that structure to help guide their decisions.

For example, have a list of daily personal expectations for your child that may include:

  • Getting up out of bed at a reasonable hour

  • Keeping their room neat and tidy

  • Showering, brushing their teeth, combing hair, etc.

  • Following through on day to day academic responsibilities (i.e. completing homework, studying, etc.)

Hopefully, these are things that you have been working on with your child already. However, it can help to still talk about them from time-to-time with your teen—like a refresher course.

Include Your Teen in Laying Down Expectations

Believe it or not, your teen does want to be included in these decisions!

Having active conversations about expectations and boundaries ensures two things:

  1. Acknowledgment that they understand what’s expected of them

  2. Creating buy-in for the boundaries

Have a family meeting where you, your teen, and your partner or spouse (if applicable) all sit down together. Maintain an agenda of items you want to cover—just don’t make it too overwhelming.

Ask your teen for their thoughts and insight. How can we balance certain needs, such as communicating with friends, allowing for family time, and doing schoolwork? Your teen might surprise you with their observations on these issues.

Discuss Reasonable Limits on Screen Time

Perhaps one of the biggest issues of contention between teens and parents these days is screen time. It seems teens are constantly on their phones or other devices. They are either communicating via apps or playing games—or both!

Of course, as a parent, you want to set reasonable boundaries so that screen time doesn’t become “all the time.”

Here are some ideas on how to approach the topic:

  • Ask your teen about the technology they are using. Have them educate you about games or platforms that are unfamiliar to you.

  • Discuss their need for communicating with friends and recreation with family/school time.

  • Agree on expectations surrounding devices, such as using them in specific areas of the home, turning them off by a certain time, etc.

  • Use apps that help you to turn off certain devices from the internet at designated times. Some allow you to see what your teens are doing online too.

  • Continue the discussion with your teen about internet safety, such as screen name and password use, as well as what they publish online.

Set SMART Boundaries with Your Teen

When you do have to set a boundary with your teen, use the SMART method. It stands for:

  • Specific

  • Measurable

  • Attainable

  • Realistic

  • Timely

This is a great formula for establishing boundaries with your teen that make sense. What you are going for is a boundary that addresses the problem but doesn’t make it seem like you are responding out of anger either.

Of course, there will be things your teen does that will make you upset. However, the key is to not let those emotions dictate your decision-making process. If you need time to think things through before laying down a boundary, you can tell your teen that there will be a consequence to their action, but that you will talk later with them.

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Establishing boundaries with your teen is a combination of both science and art form. Even if you are skilled at boundary-setting, it doesn’t hurt to ask for help. Consider talking to a teen therapist who understands teenagers and how to create the structure they need for success.

If you’re interested in learning more about my approach to teen counseling, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Picture of family with health boundaries in Teen Therapy Cincinnati, OH 45040

Teen Counseling in Cincinnati, OH 45040

If you are a teen or a family member of a teen who may be struggling with depression, anxiety, family conflict, ADHD, academic concerns or getting along and connecting with peers, you may benefit from teen counseling at Launch Point Counseling in Mason, OH, north of Cincinnati, OH. To learn more or schedule an intake appointment, please contact Launch Point Counseling.

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