5 Ways for Teens to Manage Conflict More Effectively with Parents
Through teen counseling and therapy, we often do a lot of education with parents on how best to support their teen, how to communicate with their teen, how to empower their teen and so forth. This is all incredibly valuable because it provides for better modeling and a more harmonious home environment. But it’s also important for you the teen to feel empowered to take action and make change, particularly in situations that can feel overwhelming or hopeless.
I had a recent client tell me that he didn’t fully understand how to manage conflict with his parents. In other words, he wasn’t sure how to communicate effectively when there is significant tension and emotions are running high. Below are five tips for teens to consider when engaged in conflict with parents.
Be very clear about what you are trying to achieve
We often engage in conflict when we are trying to meet a need or achieve a goal and there appears to be a road block or stuck point. Sometimes your parents represent that roadblock but that is not always the case. Take some time to consider what you are actually trying to achieve and if the conflict or argument will actually help you meet that need or achieve the goal. If the answer is no, then perhaps the conflict may be wasted energy.
Be willing to listen
Many parents feel compelled to impart wisdom upon their children. They also have a desire to guide and steer you in a direction that will lead to success. That is a need that they have. Sometimes the guidance and advice is helpful and sometimes not. In either case, be willing to listen to what they have to say. The more you listen, the more willing they will be to consider your perspective.
Ask to be heard
Have you ever assumed what another person is thinking? We call this mindreading which is a cognitive distortion. Everybody engages in mindreading from time to time. It can be helpful but it can also get us in hot water when we make faulty assumptions. Similarly, we can incorrectly assume that our parents actually know what we want in a conflict. Do not assume that you parent knows what you want. The only way to clarify your position is to ask them to listen to you and to be very clear about your goal (see tip #1).
Step away
If you are engaging in an argument or conflict with your parents, there is a good chance that you may feel angry, irritable, annoyed, frustrated or perhaps even sad. While it is important to feel these emotions and embrace them, you may have difficulty clearly articulating yourself. If that is the case, ask to take 5 minutes to yourself and re-engage at a later time. Acknowledge the emotion you are experiencing, gather your thoughts and return to the conversation at a later time.
Tap into your empathy
When you engage in a conflict with your parents, there is a good chance that you are seeking to make your point be known, to be heard and to be understood. That is all very important! You deserve to be heard and understood. But remember, you will have much better success when you lean in and attempt to understand where your parents are coming from. Put yourself in their shoes when it comes to the argument at hand…what might you tell your teenage self? If you can attempt to better understand their position, you will be in much better shape to communicate.
Whether you are a teen or an adult, conflict with your parents is inevitable. It is going to happen! How you navigate that conflict, how you communicate, the words that you use and the manner that you carry yourself—all of that is up to you. You have the ability to more effectively work through conflict if you take some time to consider your actions and be more intentional about your behavior.
—
Teen Counseling in Cincinnati, OH 45040
If you are a teen and you are having difficulty getting along with your parents or you seem to be engaged in a lot of conflict with your peers, you may benefit from teen counseling and therapy. At Launch Point Counseling in Mason, OH, north of Cincinnati, OH, we work very closely with teenagers and their families to explore and work through these kinds of issues. To learn more, please contact Launch Point Counseling or schedule an appointment today.